Alas I know not either thy mantra or yantra, nor how to welcome thee;
or how to meditate upon, nor words of prayer to thee; nor do I know thy mudrã or how to lay before thee my griefs: but this I know
O Mother! That to follow thee is to remove all my pain.

- HYMNS TO THE GODDESS,
translated from Sanskrit by ARTHUR AVALON

MAY THE DEVI GRANT ME PARDON DEVIAPARÁDA KSAMÁPANA STOTRA

Shakti first called me when I was five years old, experiencing "praying in tongues" in Church for the first time. I didn't realize what exactly I was speaking, except that I was praying secretly to God. At that age, my friends and I would make up pretend languages with each other all the time so the notion that I could have a secret language with God didn't sound weird, and actually managed to turn this elusive male-oriented punitive figure in the sky into one that was more of a friend I could confide in and be silly with as I played with sounds like I did with my friends. Feeling called at such a young age to hands on healing and prayer, I immersed myself in prophetic spaces and healing prayer circles. I distinctly noticed that when I'd chant "shah-ktee", I'd feel energy rush over me. Whoever I'd be praying over would comment they felt the power of the Holy Spirit. Time and time again, without fail.

It wasn't until I was 19 that I learned that "shah-ktee" is the pronunciation of the Great Mother of the Cosmos, Creator of All of existence, Shakti, the power of her masculine counterpart, Consciousness/Observer/Father/Shiva. Like Ruach Hakodesh, she is the power of the Lord - just observed and expressed through another tongue. It is through her images all of creation is made. And through her various manifestations that all wisdom is derived.

When the spiritual foundations of institutionalized religion began to shake and crack and falter under me, the only spiritual practice that remained consistent, steadfast, and holistically good was my secret language with God where this name - Shakti abundantly flowed out my stream of consciousness. The more I leaned into this prayer, what burned away was the false narratives of God that glorified human (imperial!) authority over natural, cosmic authority. The gentle love of cosmic authority is apocalyptic in its power....narratives of the punitive God that shields abusive leaders and the god of shame that fuels the internal shame wizards inside us (yes, that is a reference to Big Mouth) dissolve and from those ashes beautiful revelations and insights of the truth of who we are emerge and planet-level healing is made possible.

For such a divinity as Shakti to reveal Herself to me as the presence that kept me alive during years of chronic abuse in church spaces... it humbles me to my core. The mercy, grace, forgiveness She has shown me and the power she has given me to live. I am an instrument for Her restoration, justice, and wisdom. It is in humble devotion to Her that I do what I do.

May the tongues we use to express the totality of the Divine restore what was lost and unite us into the multidimensionality of existence with others. There is One God: expressed in the multiplicity of images, conveyed in words that hold meaning to the power of One Divinity, wholly expressed.

Das Mahavidya, TEN TANTRIC AVATARS OF THE SACRED FEMININE